The Loud House fanfic: Bride-to-be or not to be
by wildchild21
Summary: A surreal tale of how Leni Loud taught she was engaged and it all started with a fortune cookie. The Louds try everything they can to stop the "wedding".
1. The Ring inside the Fortune Cookie

[The story begins with Lynn Sr. walking towards the door while carrying a bag.]

Lynn Sr.: Rita! Kids! I've got the chinese takeout!

Kids: Takeout?!

[The children start running down the stairs and land on their dad.]

Lynn Sr.: My Leg.

[Everyone is at the table eating their Chinese food.]

Luna: Oh, yeah. This tastes rad.

Lisa: My taste buds are tingling with the sweet, tempting ingredient of the soy sauce.

[Lola and Lana slurp a noodle at both ends. Lola spits it out.]

Lola: Ew, Lana, get your saliva off of my food.

Lana: Get YOUR saliva off of MY food.

[Rita points at the bag, where she thinks she sees more food in it]

Rita: Look, everyone, fortune cookies. They can tell your fortunes.

Lisa: Preposterous, mother. Those edibles with the non-accurate words on paper inside are a bunch of baloney.

Leni: Lisa's right, you guys… I wanna see my fortune.

Lynn: Me too.

Luan: Me three

[Everyone takes out a fortune cookie and opens them up]

[Lisa reads her fortune]

Lisa: You will have a bright future. Like I said, preposterous. I am already bright.

[Lucy reads her fortune]

Lucy: The world as you know it is dull and gray. Sigh. It's true.

[Lily looks at her fortune. It says "Goo Goo Gaa Gaa". She is confused]

[Lola reads her fortune]

Lola: You will blossom with extravagant beauty. Wow, I'm one lucky girl.

[Leni eats her fortune cookie without realizing there was paper on it. It gets stuck on her throat and she chokes.]

Rita: Oh My Gosh! Leni's Choking.

Luan: Well It's about time somebody was "choking" around. [Laughs] Get it?

[Luan gets slapped in the face by Luna]

Lynn Sr.: Someone help her.

Lynn: I've got this. I know the Heimlich maneuver.

[Lynn does the Heimlich maneuver on Leni 3 times, then Leni spits out the paper and it lands on the table. Everyone sees that the fortune has turned out to be a ring. They all gasp]

Lucy: Is that a ring?

Lincoln: What was that ring doing inside a fortune cookie?

[Leni picks up the ring.]

Leni: This is my fortune? A ring? Wait. You don't think that I'm gonna get…

[She gasps and screams in joy.]

Leni: OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! I'm engaged!

Everyone: What?

Lynn Sr.: Engaged? Now hold on, I really don't think that-

Leni: O M Gosh , I can't believe it! I'm gonna tie the knot, if only I did the same for my shoes, but who cares. I'm gonna be a wife. I'm gonna tell everyone the great news.

[Leni runs upstairs happy.]

Lori: Is she literally for real? How could she think she's engaged at her age? I wanted to be the one to be engaged first.

Lisa: Oh, pish posh, her puny mind lacks the ability to memorize this misunderstanding. By tomorrow, this whole thing will completely blow over.

[Lisa looks at her plate and sees that it's empty]

Lisa: Hey, who ate all my takeout delicacy.

[Lana burps.]

Lana: Sorry.


	2. The Planning

[Lori is in the kitchen whistling. Leni enters the kitchen.]

Leni: Hey Lori, which of these dresses should i get for my wedding? Silver Platinum or Bold Crystal?

[Leni points her phone to Lori.]

Lori: Are you still serious?

Leni: Yes, these are my only favorite choices and I can't decide.

Lori: No, I meant why do you still believe you're engaged. I mean, that ring on your finger has literally gotta be from somebody else, or it could obviously be a dumb toy.

[Leni laughs]

Lori: What's so funny?

[Leni pats Lori on the head.]

Leni: Oh, Lori. That's a good one.

[Leni still laughs. Her phone beeps. She gasps.]

Leni: O M Gosh! A 2-for-1 sale on a Sapphire Rose wedding dress. Now this is my favorite choice.

[Lori sighs]

[Later, Rita sees Leni with a stranger in the living room, and stops]

Rita: Um, Leni. What is that man doing in our house?

Leni: Mom, this is my wedding planner, Frankie.

Frankie: What's up?

Rita: Your what?!

Leni: Alright, Frankie. Here's my list of everything I want.

Frankie: A big ice sculpture of you and your future husband, A orchestra band to play when you walk down the aisle, a cake that says "Congrats Leni ?", andexterminators in case of spiders?

Leni: Yep, and there's more where that came fro-

[Rita puts her hand on Leni's mouth.]

Rita: Uhhh, Leni, can i talk to you in the kitchen in private please?

[Rita smiles at Frankie and drags Leni to the kitchen.]

Rita: What in the wide world do you think you're doing, young lady? You can't afford all that stuff.

Leni: But maybe if the guy who sent me the ring is a millionaire and he can afford it for me.

Rita: Oh, sweetie, why are you still believing you're engaged?

Leni: Because it's my dream to be married.

Rita: I thought your dream was to become a professional fashion designer.

Leni: That can also be my dream.

[Frankie pops up]

Frankie: Hey, are you done yammering or am i gonna wait here all day?

Leni: Coming, now about those plans.

[Rita nods her head horizontally.]

[Later, Lynn Sr. is driving on the freeway. A car is right beside him. The windshield goes down, revealing Mr. Grouse.]

Mr. Grouse: Hey, Loud. I heard one of your kin folks is tying the knot.

Lynn Sr.: What are you talking about?

Mr. Grouse: Haven't you heard, your idiot daughter announced something about a wedding on the news.

Lynn Sr.: She did what?!

Mr. Grouse: Well, if it is, I bet it will be a total disaster, Loud.

[Mr. Grouse laughs, closes his windshield and drives off.]

[Lynn Sr.'s phone rings.]

Lynn Sr.: Hello?

Lincoln: Dad, come home, quick! You gotta see this!

[Later, Lynn Sr. arrives home and goes inside the house]

Lynn Sr.: What's all the commotion?

Lori: Quiet, Look!

[Everyone looks at the TV and see Leni with the news reporter.]

Katherine Mulligan: I'm Katherine Mulligan standing here with 16-year-old Leni Loud who would like to share some news with us.

[Leni pulls the mic.] Leni: Hi, everyone. I just wanna tell all of Royal Woods... that i'm gonna be having my wedding...

Lincoln: What?

Leni: ...this weekend...

Rita: What?

Leni: ...at my house!

Lynn Sr: What?!

Leni: And everybody's invited, even you. [points at Katherine Mulligan]

[Everyone drops their jaws in shock.]

Lola: Well if there's a wedding, i get to be the flower girl.


	3. The Disguise

[The family is at the kitchen.]

Lincoln: What are we going to do? I can't believe Leni just announced a "wedding" on National TV.

Luan: I guess we need to get "wed" of it.

[Luan laughs]

Luan: Get it?

[Lori slaps Luan on the head.]

Lori: But how can we stop the fake wedding from happening before the weekend?

Lincoln: Unless, the "groom" can tell her it's off.

[Everybody says "huh?".]

Lincoln: I'm coming up with a plan.

[Lincoln goes on the phone and calls Leni.]

[Leni is at the mall looking at wedding dresses. She hears her phone ringing and answers it.]

Leni: Hello?

Lincoln [imitating: Um, yes, hello, uh, this is the guy who, um, sent you that wedding ring.

[Leni gasps.]

Leni: You're my fiancé. Oh, boy, Oh, boy, Oh, boy. So what's your name?

Lincoln [imitating: My name?! It's uuuuuuuuhhhhh, f-f-f-f-f-fiancé.

Lynn: Really?

Lincoln: It was either that or Phony McFakerson.

Leni: Fiancé, your name's Fiancé?

[Leni stays puzzled, then gets happy]

Leni: That's totes a great name. I can't believe I have a fiancé named Fiancé.

Lincoln [imitating: Yeah. anyway, we need to talk about this wedding. I don't think-

Leni: Hold up, Can I see you in person, Fiancé?

Lincoln [imitating: In person. Why?

Leni: Come on, I just wanna take a look of my handsome future husband. So can we meet?

Lincoln: Meet, uhhhh, where, aaaand, when?

Leni: How about at the park. Tonight.

Lincoln [imitating: TONIGHT?!

Everyone: TONIGHT?!

Leni: Who was that?

Lincoln [imitating: That was my, uhhh, echo. So tonight it is then?

Leni: Totes, i can't wait to meet you, Fiancé. Bye.

[Leni and Lincoln hang up their phones.]

Luna: Well this just went double bogus, dudes.

Lincoln: Oh, man. Leni wants to see her "fiancé" named Fiancé who's name i made up and didn't think through at the park tonight?

Lisa: So what's your next "elaborate" plan, big brother.

Lincoln: Alright, alright. We've got 'til the end of the day to cancel the phony wedding. So… I'm probably going to disguise myself as the fiancé. But i'll need a secret weapon. I'll be right back

Lisa: Maybe if we hadn't have got Chinese for takeout, this catastrophic baloney wouldn't have happened.

[Lincoln goes to Clyde's house. He knocks on the door]

Lincoln: Clyde, I need your help. One of my sisters thinks she's getting married and-

Clyde: What, Lori and Bobby are tying the knot? Nooooooo! I never got a chance to tell her how i felt about her, now i'm gonna be a loner for the rest of my life, i'll have to into a cheap single guy apartment, and buy single guy food and hangout with single men. Oh, Why, Why-

Lincoln: CLYDE! It's not Lori. It's Leni.

Clyde: Leni? You mean she announced a wedding on the news.

Lincoln: You've seen it too?

Clyde: My dads and I watch the news for the debate segments.

Lincoln: Uh, anyway, I think i've a plan to convince Leni to call the "wedding" off. And i'm gonna need your help, buddy.

Clyde: Will this involve me carrying you because i have really stiff shoulders.

Lincoln: Wellllll…

[At the Loud house.]

Lori: OK, You two. Let us see it.

[Lincoln and Clyde reveal their disguise.]

Luna: Uh, bro, that looks cramped on ya.

Lincoln: I know. But totally worth it to stop the fake wedding

Clyde: Can we hurry this up, my shoulders are in pain.

Lincoln: How long before we go to the park.

Lisa: Approximately, 2.9 minutes.

Lincoln: WHAT?! We better go there now.

[The kids leave the house in a hurry, but Lincoln and Clyde struggle to run as they get wobbly.]

[Later at the park, the kids are hiding in a bush with binoculars.]

Luan: Do you see her anywhere?

Lana: Nope. Maybe she's late.

Luna: Or maybe she realized the "guy" ain't coming.

Lori: Or maybe she's literally sitting on that bench.

[Leni is seen sitting on a bench.]

Lori: Lincoln, That's your cue.

[Lincoln and Clyde leave the bush in their disguise. They struggle to walk towards Leni.]

[Leni meets Lincoln in disguise thinking it is "Fiancé". She gasps.]

Leni: O M Gosh, Is it really you, Fiancé?

Lincoln [imitating: Sure, i am your fiancé, Fiancé.

[Leni screams in joy and hugs "Fiancé"]

Fiancé: Say, uuuh, can we talk about this wedding?

Leni: Alright. Fiancé: Look, what i'm trying to say is, [inhales heavily, I think the wedding should be-

Leni: Let me stop you right there because i've got something important to say. Ever since I found out I was engaged, I felt really excited that I was going to be having the biggest day of my life. You see, I'm not the "normal" girl in my family. My sisters and brother never appreciated me well because they thought I was a doofus, an idiot, a goofball, a doofus.

Lynn: Um, What the heck is she doing?

Lori: I don't know.

Leni: I really want this to wedding to happen. because like fashion, that moment will make me truly happy for the rest of my life.

[Lincoln and the sisters at the bush look concerned.]

Leni: So what were you going to say?

Lincoln [imitating: Uuuuuh, maybe you'll look good with make-up.

Leni: [gasps] That's exactly what I was thinking. OK, Bye, see ya at the altar.

[Everyone is back at the house.]

Rita: So, did you tell Leni the "wedding" is off?

Lincoln: Not exactly. I was about to, but then she said it'll make her truly happy and I think I felt bad trying to take away a beautiful moment from my own sister, even if it isn't reall at all.

Lynn Sr.: Oh, no, you mean...

Lincoln: Yep, the Louds are throwing a wedding.

[Lola walks to the stairs.]

Lola: I still get to be the flower girl.


	4. The Wedding

[At the Loud house, there are people and cars outside the street. The family, except for Leni, are at the kitchen.]

Lynn: Man, I can't believe we're still going through with this.

Lana: I can't believe I have to be the other flower girl.

Lincoln: I can't believe I'm gonna kiss my own sister.

Lynn Sr.: Well, you heard what she said, this would make her truly happy.

Lisa: Well, she was above that emotion at her impromptu bachelorette party.

[Flashing back to a restaurant where the Loud girls are watching Leni feel drowsy over eating too much ribs. She laughs hysterically.]

Leni: O… M… Gosh… you guys, you're the best family I've ever had. Seriously, though… the best.

[She falls off the chair and still laughs hysterically.]

Leni: Here's a toast… to the best day… of my life.

[She spills a glass of soda on her face as everyone sighs.]

[ Flashing forward the the "wedding" at the Loud's.]

Rita: You guys, this day still means a lot to her, but I just wish there was still a way to end this mumbo-jumbo without crushing her heart.

Lisa: Fear not, mother,

[Lisa shows everyone the plan on a piece of paper.]

Lisa: Lincoln, when you and Leni are in the middle of the "i do's," you and Clyde will make a run for it, thus ending this nonsensical hoax, and we will get back to our regular lives.

[Lisa rolls up the paper.]

Rita: Wait, doesn't that count as crushing her heart?

Lori: I agree, but it's literally worth a shot.

Lincoln: [sigh] I guess it's showtime.

[Lincoln leaves the kitchen.]

Leni [off-screen: Lori, help me with this zipper.

[Outside at the backyard, which is converted into an altar, there is a crowd, and Flip talks to Mr. Grouse]

Flip: So, the goofball one is receiving the "holy matrimony" treatment early, eh?

Mr Grouse: I'm just here to watch it fail miserably.

[Clyde is sitting down with his dads, as Lincoln gets his attention by throwing a shoe at him.]

Lincoln: Pssst. Clyde. It's time to suit up.

Clyde: Ooh, sorry, dads, but I gotta go, uuuh, water the plants back at home. Those plants sure do need H2O.

[Clyde runs off and joins Lincoln.]

[Later, everyone is at the altar, Lola and Lana are throwing flowers on the way up, Lana pulls a disgruntled face, while Lola pulls a happy face. Luna plays the keyboard with an orchard sound. Lincoln and Clyde in disguise are at the altar. Rita, Lori, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lisa and Lily are standing beside the altar as bridesmaids. Then the crowd look at Leni revealing herself with a sparkling wedding dress, make-up on her face and a ravishing hairstyle. Lynn Sr. is giving her away.]

Leni: Isn't this totes wonderful, Dad?

Lynn Sr.: Uh, sure, sweetie. [whispering away from her] If only this wasn't fake.

[Leni and Lincoln Clyde in the "Fiancé" disguise are standing at the altar.]

Minister: We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Leni Loud and ummm...

Lincoln [imitating: Oh, Fiancé.

Minister: ...and Fiancé. Do anyone of you have any vows to share with us.

Leni: I have. Fiancé, when I said this moment would make me happy for the rest of my life, I meant every single word.

[Lincoln gulps.]

Leni: And now, you're already making me the happiest girl in Royal Woods. I can't wait to have this great life with you, and my family will support me. Won't you guys?

[The others pretend to smile.]

Minister: Fiancé, do you have any vows?

Lincoln [imitating: Yes. I hope that you stay happy. No matter what.

Minister: Now then, do you take Fiance to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Leni: I totes do.

Minister: And Fiancé, do you take Leni Loud to be your lawfully wedded wife.

[Lincoln hesitates and starts sweating.]

Lincoln: I… I… I…. [Lisa gets Lincoln's attention and points him to the end of the altar.]

Lincoln: Look! Someone's selling fashion magazines.

Leni: Where?

[Lincoln and Clyde in disguise run away from Leni while she isn't looking. They trip on a shoelace. Their disguise breaks off and they land on the table with the food. A cake jumps off into the air and is about to land on Leni.]

Lincoln: Leni! Look Out!

[Leni looks back, and she sees the cake falling from the sky, and it lands on her, and getting pieces of cake all over her dress. Everyone gasps. And Leni sees Lincoln and Clyde with the torn disguise.]

Leni: LINCOLN?! What the heck is going on?

Lincoln: [sighs] Alright, you got me. I'm Fiancé. I was the one pretending to be your, well, fiancé.

[Leni gasps. Her heart is zoomed in as it's crushed to pieces.]

Clyde: Don't forget about me carrying him for a long, painful time.

Lincoln: Not now, Clyde.

Lori: And we were literally in on it.

Leni: But, I don't understand.

Lincoln: Of course you don't understand. This whole wedding is a sham.

[Everyone gasps.]

Lincoln: Look, I know you really wanted this wedding to happen, but you don't need a wedding to be happy.

Rita: Your brother makes a good point, Leni. You can be happy with your love for fashion.

Leni: But... what about this ring. It was my fortune. It told me I was getting married.

[A stranger pops up.]

Stranger: Oh, Look. There's my engagement ring, there must've been a mixup at the Chinese restaurant. You see, I was supposed to propose to my girlfriend. Well, thank keeping it safe for me. Bye.

[The stranger leaves in his car. Leni pulls a sad face.]

Rita: Are you OK, sweetie?

Leni: [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] I feel really, completely fine.

Lincoln: Really? [Leni then pulls an even sadder face.]

Leni: NO I'M NOOOOOT! [sobbing] MY BIG DAY IS RUINED! MY HEART IS CRUSHED! AND-AND I'M GOING INTO DEEP DEPRESSION! [She sobs all the way down to the backdoor, as she is repeatedly tripping on her wedding dress.]

Flip: I'm outta here. But I ain't leavin' empty-handed.

[Flip grabs some food as everyone else leaves the Loud's in disgust.]

Mr. Grouse: I knew this would be a total disaster.

Howard McBride: Young man, we are going to have a serious talk about white lies.

Frankie: Hey, remember me. You owe me a lotta mula for all the wedding equipment.

[Frankie gives Lynn Sr. and Rita a bill. They are shocked when they see the price.]

Lincoln: You know, guys. I think I feel awful about telling Leni the truth.

Lori: Well she literally had to be told somehow.

Luan: But look at the bright side, at least she didn't say we're "wed" to her. [laughs] Get it?

[Luan gets knocked down by Lucy.]

Lynn Sr.: Come on, everyone. Let's clean up.

[The family go back in the house, but Lola runs back to pick up the bouquet.]


	5. The Twist Ending

[Two weeks later at the Loud's, Lincoln is walking in the hall when he spots Lori beside her room with the door slightly open.]

Lincoln: Hey, what are you doing?

Lori: [sighs] Just literally watching Leni mope.

[Leni is lying on her bed depressed looking. Lincoln goes inside to meet her.]

Lincoln: Hey, sis. How are you holding up?

Leni: What's the point of holding up, everything can't be real, not even dreams, which you destroyed. Now leave me alone to decay as a lifeless loser with a broken heart.

[Lincoln leaves the room]

Lincoln: Wow, harsh words.

Lori: She's hasn't left our room in two weeks. I mean, how is she still not getting over the whole fake wedding fiasco.

[The rest of the kids turn up.]

Luan: Maybe she was serious about being depressed.

Lincoln: And It's our fault she's in that state. We took a moment we all knew wasn't real away from her, we didn't think she'd take it this seriously.

Luna: She's become a bigger downer than you, Luc.

Lucy: None taken.

Lana: What exactly are we gonna do, let her be "married" for no reason.

Lincoln: That's it. Minus the "no reason" part.

Lori: What are you saying?

Lincoln: Look, we can't let Leni be depressed for the rest of her life. We gotta make her happy again, even if it means, [sighs] making her think she's married.

[Cutting to the living room with the kids, Lynn Sr. and Rita.]

Rita: Ooh, I don't know, are you sure we need to do that to make Leni happy again. Who knows, she could be fine by now.

[Cutting to the door of Leni's room.]

Lincoln: Does that look fine?

[Rita and Lynn Sr. watch Leni eating a pillow while listening to sad music.]

Rita: Alright, we'll go with your idea.

Lincoln: Very well, Operation: Make Leni think she's married on short notice so that she won't be depressed forever and we go back to our lives, and think of a shorter name for this operation, is a go.

Lisa: And I'll find the perfect man for Leni to marry. This may take some time.

[Lisa runs off.]

[Later, Lincoln drags Leni downstairs.]

Leni: Where are we going, to bring me somewhere that reminds me of the day that ruined my life forever.

Lincoln: Actually, I'm taking you somewhere that will improve your life forever. Trust me, You're gonna love this.

[Lincoln and Leni are at the backyard, where he shows her the altar which was exactly as it was two weeks ago.]

Leni: What... What is this?

Lynn Sr.: Your big day.

[Leni is given a bouquet by Lola and a veil by Lori. Lynn Sr. gives Leni away. She sees curtains. Lisa opens the curtains to reveal a robot wearing a groom's suit.]

Luna: Lil' dude. Where the heck did you find this hunk-a-junk?

Lisa: When I said find a man, I actually meant build a man.

[Leni walks up to the altar to see the robot face-to-face.]

Robot: Hello, It. is. I. the. real. Fiancé. I. was. a. robot. this. whole. time. sorry. for. never. telling. you.

[The robot named Fiancé opens his chest to pick up a box, revealing a ring.]

Robot Fiancé: Will. you. marry. me?

[Leni slowly pulls a shocked face. She then screams in excitement.]

Leni: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yeeeeeeeeeees!

Leni: I don't believe it. Why are you all doing this for me.

Rita: We wanna apologize for ruining the day that should've kept you happy.

Lynn Sr: So we're all letting you have your moment anyway.

Lincoln: Like I said, I hope that you'll stay happy, no matter what.

[Leni hugs everyone]

Leni: Thank you, guys. Thank you all.

[Leni rips off her robe, revealing the wedding dress]

Lucy: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of our sister Leni and this robot named Fiancé in holy matrimony. Leni, do you take this artificial intelligence to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Leni: Totes do!

Lucy: And Fiancé, do you take this organic life form to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Robot Fiancé: I. do.

Lucy: Then by the power vested in me by the Loud family, I hereby pronounce you robot and wife. You may kiss the human bride.

[Leni and Robot Fiancé kiss and get electrocuted while the family watches.]

Lori: This is literally the most bizarre thing I've ever seen.

Lincoln: But at least Leni's happy again.

Lana: Hey you guys, I just thought of something, we now have a robot for a brother-in-law.

[Leni and Fiancé are still being electrocuted while kissing, as Mr Grouse watches them with binoculars.]

Mr Grouse: What a bunch of idiots.

[The End]


End file.
